Agent Cody Banks 3: The Waxing Gibbous
by agentcodybanksfan
Summary: Agent Cody Banks is one crazy guy, I tell you what...


Agent Cody Banks 3: The Waxing Gibbous

The year is 2023. A middle-aged Agent Cody Banks sits with his head in his hands, dozing over his fourth glass of scotch. He coughs a wet cough.

"Fuck. Fucking shit," says Agent Cody Banks as his annoying as hell cough wakes him from his fragile slumber.

Agent Cody Banks has been in a sorry state ever since his wife, Natalie, left him for Aaron Carter. Natalie has flowing blonde hair and a dumb voice and looks remarkably similar to Hilary Duff but is NOT Hilary Duff because this story is fictional. Jesus christ, lay off.

Agent Cody Banks's phone begins to ring in the pocket of his cargo shorts and he fumbles to get it out because he's drunk like any other Tuesday.

"Hello," croaks Agent Cody Banks into his iPhone9.

"Hi Cody," says the voice on the other line.

"No. It's Agent Cody Banks," says Agent Cody Banks.

"That's a really annoying pet peeve of yours that makes normal conversation difficult," scoffs the mystery voice to Agent Cody Banks.

"Fuck off, grandma. I don't care if you are old. Use my full name or none at all," says Agent Cody Banks with disdain to his stupid as shit grandmother, Debbie Cody Banks.

Agent Cody Banks slams the phone down with tears welling behind his gorgeous blue eyes. Natalie used to say she wanted to strip all of her clothes off and swim in those eyes while Agent Cody Banks gave it to her real good. She was so cute and had such a way with words.

Agent Cody Banks picks up his glass of Johnnie Walker and wanders out to his front porch to enjoy his beverage under the glow of the waxing gibbous. "Is Natalie Duff looking at this same moon?" he wonders aloud as the amber liquid clouds his mind like some shit.

"You bet your sweet ass I am," echoes a voice from the shadows. Yikes! It is Natalie! Good thing he was wearing his best pair of cargo shorts, Agent Cody Banks thinks with a smile as she walks over seductively.

Agent Cody Banks reaches deep inside his deepest cargo pocket and takes out his vape pen. Gotta ease this tension with some cool as hell smoke tricks :) Natalie shudders with delight as he blows rings around her head like a crown because she is his princess :)

Natalie pokes the rings with her finger in the middle real sexual. This gets Agent Cody Banks so fired up because he hates when people ruin his smoke rings before they've had a chance to peter out themselves. That is probably a metaphor for his life or something, I don't fucking know. Leave me alone.

"Get the hell out of my house," says Agent Cody Banks to Hilary Natalie. "You left me for Aaron Carter and he is so bad and not even good."

Just then Lizzie McGuire pulls out a gun- a real one and not just a bb or airsoft or whatever. Holy damn! This #chick means business. She hovers the barrel of the pistol right over where Agent Cody Banks's heart beats inside his muscly chest.

"You used to love these pecs," he says with conviction as she presses the weapon into his toned flesh.

"I've loved a lot of things," says Natillary, "but you were never one of them."

"Noooooooooooooooooooooo," cries Agent Cody Banks. "I saved you in 2003 on that snowboard when you had that ice cube problem with the Nanobots or whatever that story-line was. I can't quite remember and neither can anyone else."

Natalie McGuire's eyes glaze over as she remembers the good times. "Those were some good times," she whispers as she remembers the good times. "Good times indeed."

As she continues to fall deeper into her memory hole Agent Cody Banks fuckin takes the gun from her hands and fuckin shoots her right in the brain stem. This kills most people instantly but not this feisty lady. She has just enough time to say "I did love you, Cody. I'm a stupid liar."

"That's Agent Cody Banks to you, dummy. God dammit, you are just like my dumb shit grandma Debbie. Goodbye Natalie."

Lizzie McDuff breathes her last breath as Agent Cody Banks turns his head skyward towards the beautiful moon. Tears roll down his sculpted jawline.

"Ah, the gibbous. How I love the ole gibby. That is the phase when the moon is more than half-lighted but less than half full. That is how I feel right now. Maybe this is yet another metaphor in this crazy life of mine."

To Be Continued...


End file.
